An update from my cozy, yellow home

Guess where I am writing this blog from? My tent. My cozy, bright yellow home for the next 11 months. The process alone of setting it up was a testament to how far I have come in this journey already, but I have come to love my little space #introvert. I haven’t had a lot of time the past three weeks to process everything that has happened or even be alone. I find myself driving the scenic route everywhere I go so I can have a little more alone time which has turned into time with Jesus. Not that the busy prep season has been bad, it has just left me feeling drained and not able to be my best for those around me, especially as we put on a huge fundraiser the last two weekends for my trip. 

But in all honesty, these last 2 weeks have been hard, though they have been incredible in the fundraising world and have left me with $1,947 still to raise out of my $19,200 needed to be fully funded by early September (that includes upcoming monthly pledges). They have left me feeling overwhelmed and experiencing a lot of fears about the upcoming year including (but not limited to) missing out on things at home, losing friendships, not finding community on the race, feeling inadequate, and like I could be using this year at home to serve the Kingdom in Lansing. And in these moments where my brain goes down a total rabbit trail of fears, I find the verse that was so conveniently drilled into my brain this summer at Simpson Park coming from Isaiah 41:9-10 – “‘You’re my servant, serving on my side. I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you.’ Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you I’ll hold you steady, keeping a firm grip on you.” msg Which can simply be boiled down to FEAR NOT.

Fear is different than doubt I am learning, doubt creates a space for you to dig deep into your uncertainties and find the truth of the Gospel and so much more (as I was conveniently reminded at Riv today). While doubt is hard, it helps you grow, whereas fear is crippling, it can make you stop in your tracks and simply crumble under whatever is pressing in on you. So I am choosing not to fall into my fear, I am allowed to question why in the world am I choosing to leave for a year to miss things such as weddings, holidays, new jobs, and spontaneous adventures with friends; thinking on what may hinder me from making authentic community in the next year, and knowing that I am not getting to do some of my favorite ministry here in Lansing for a year. And when I question these things, God always provides the answers to my why.

He has answered it through so many ways such as providing above and beyond what I could ever imagine and has walked with me through this incredibly humbling process called fundraising. He has given peace and confirmation on this trip to my parents. He has answered such specific prayers over the last year including some about my favorite person – my brother! After a year and a half of praying for a job, he GOT ONE, and he and Amy are going to church, talk about a double whammy (sorry for sharing guys, but the readers gotta know that God is so faithful and listens to His children.)

I don’t know where I was going with this blog, typical I go on rabbit trails a lot in my thinking, why not do that with my blogs too. So basically, I love my tent. God is providing in so many ways. I have a lot of fears and doubts, but I know He has got me, He will give me strength, and keep me steady. And He answers prayers, so keep praying, friends.

Also, we have a little challenge coming up for our squad wars, more on that coming, but be expecting to read more about my journey coming up!